Why I’ve Been Gone and When I’m Coming Back

Oh, hey there. It’s been a while.
I took a bit of a break from releasing any new pieces. I’ve been working on a few here and there, but the last full piece I wrote was an expansive and anxiety-riddled trip that drained me of that creative spark. It was almost like my origin story, and once it was out there, I wasn’t quite sure where to go next. Basically, my brain needed a break.
I began a lot of essays. Sitting in files uncompleted are stories of my choice to not have children, my decision to roll down the aisle instead of spending my engagement year trying to walk, and pushing my body to its breaking point to avoid being labeled a burden. I almost finished that last one. In fact, I was going to publish it on a Monday at the very beginning of December.
Life had other plans. That Monday, my mom had three grand mal seizures at her office and was rushed to the ER. She was in the ICU for three days, intubated and sedated for two of them. It was a redefining moment in my life, the kind of experience that makes other experiences insignificant in comparison. The piece I had written seemed so silly. It was essentially three pages of me complaining about pushing myself too hard. How could I release it when the woman who raised me, a woman who pushed herself too hard every single day, was lying in a hospital bed facing the real consequences of never taking a break?

My mom is going to be okay. The benign tumor in her left frontal lobe was likely the cause of the seizures, and she is having it removed at the end of January. With her consent, the next big piece I put out there will be about the entire experience, from that horrible December morning, to whatever happens when the tumor is out. Devoting my time to writing a memoir piece about anything else feels inauthentic at this point. I wrote a very short essay about part of the experience on Instagram, which you can read here.
I also have some other plans for this blog! As much as I love the deep dives of essay and memoir, I also want to write some curated lists of tips, tricks, and products that make my life as a disabled person a little easier. So be sure to keep an eye out for those, too. As always, thank you for reading. I am looking forward to getting back into the writing rhythm in 2019.
Have a topic in mind you’d like me to write about this year? Let me know in the comments!

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